Maintaining Your Marriage

Have you ever looked around you and noticed the marital destruction? Couples who have been married for 15, 20, 30 years divorcing left and right. Dating couples changing partners every few weeks. Why is that? Lack of feeling? Lost that 'loving' feeling? We like to use that excuse. Alot. "I'm sorry honey, I just don't FEEL like I love you anymore." Sometimes I don't feel like eating pizza, doesn't mean I don't still love it. Feelings are a shallow and fickle indicator of the depth of a relationship and should never be used to determine it's outcome.

So how do you have a lasting relationship? Well, I'm no expert. But I'll tell you what I've learned. The number one foundation to any lasting relationship is commitment. A collective groan just went up. Anything but that word. Let's simplify. Commitment merely means this, I am here, in this relationship, no matter what. I won't hide when it's hard, quit when I fail, run when I'm hurt, or give up when I'm tired and no longer feel like I love you. I will forgive when I've been wronged. I will make the choice to love you, through the good, the bad, the ugly and the amazing. And yes, you will encounter each and every one of those.

Okay - so we have the foundation laid, seems simple enough. It's hard. It's work. It's totally worth it. But how do you build on that foundation? Two key cornerstones to building your marriage go hand in hand. Trust and Honesty. You cannot trust someone who is not honest with you and you cannot be honest with someone you don't trust. Take a minute and think about that. We don't share ourselves, open up, talk about things with someone we don't trust, why? Because they could hurt us. And we certainly can't trust someone who doesn't tell us the truth. But with trust and honesty you begin to build a marriage relationship that is strong. That withstands the storms that life WILL bring. Make no mistake, there will be storms. But with a foundation built on commitment and a framework made up of trust and honesty, then you begin to build your relationship in strength. From honesty and trust you build solid communication, loyalty, respect and your love deepens and strengthens as you grow together. You no longer rely on your feelings to tell you how to act or be in this relationship because your feelings are dictated by your commitment to love and cherish this person that you are married to.

Relationships of any kind are hard. Without commitment, I believe, they're impossible. Without trust and honesty, I believe in a limited life expectancy. If you rely on how you feel, well....you'll probably find yourself feeling alone. Feelings will follow commitment. Dr. Ed Wheat says this,
"There can be no growth in your relationship as long as there is doubt as to your commitment to your marriage. Make your commitment!"

What was your name again?

Off the subject I was going to talk about - but I had to share this...Ava and I were in the car and she's been learning about creation and is still trying to wrap her head around it...
Ava: "Mom, did God make ALL the trees?"
Me: "Yep, He sure did."
Ava: "Wow - did he make the worms too? And the cows?"
Me: "Yes honey - he made all the animals. Even the worms. He made the sky, sun, moon and stars. He made the ocean and all the sea animals."
Ava: "And ALL the trees. Wow - he sure musta been tired after all that!"

Our church has something called World Changers Bible Institute - where they train people to go out into the ministry. They did a video on Sunday - A group of students came in to the classroom right before they were to take a test. Kenny, the janitor was finishing up cleaning off the tables and emptying the trash then he left. All the students were talking about how much they'd studied, memorizing the entire book of Leviticus and so on. Then the teacher comes in and passes out the tests. As soon as the students looked at the test they started panicking. "I didn't study this! I memorized the entire book of Leviticus this doesn't say anything about Leviticus!" The teacher says calm down - I know you guys know the Bible. But you need to know the people. People matter.
The question on the test? What is the Janitor's name?

The point Pastor Jim was trying to make - Everybody MATTERS. People matter. How many times have we gotten fast food, gone to the post office, grocery store, or anywhere else and been helped by someone and barely even realized they were there? I am guilty for sure. We get so busy with our lives that we forget to notice, much less show appreciation for the little things that strangers do for us. Who cleans the toilets at your church? Do you remember what the person who bagged your groceries looked like? Did you thank them?

5 Things We Should Know About People:

1) Everyone wants to be appreciated
2) Everyone wants their lives to matter
3) Everyone wants to feel significant
4) Everybody needs somebody
5) Anybody who encourages somebody impacts lots of somebodies!

Everyone wants to be appreciated. Everyone wants to feel significant. Wow. As Christians are we touching people with kindness? Or simply ignoring them as we go about our lives? How hard is it for me to pay a little bit more attention? Encourage people a little more? It takes seconds. Seconds to make someone feel appreciated. Encouraged. Significant. And do you know what I've found? When I encourage other people - I am encouraged. My day is better. I am happier. And what you make happen for others, God will make happen for you because people matter to God.

So - be an encourager! And see how God blesses you for blessing others!
Hebrews 3:13 - "But encourage one another daily, while it is called today, lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin."

The Phantom Blogger

Yes...apparently there is a phantom blogger who randomly appears and writes on my blog only to disappear again for days and yes, even months at a time. Ok...so that's not exactly true. Fact is - most of the time I have these great thoughts that I want to blog but I'm in the middle of being psycho mom er...um...I mean psuper mom. ha. At any rate by the time I can actually sit down and put the thoughts into words - they're gone. Like the wind. It's also highly possible that the forgetfulness has everything to do with me being pregnant. Which reminds me yet again about what I DON'T like about being pregnant....everything. It's not so bad I guess. Now that I'm finishing up my fourth month and the constant nausea is starting to let up I can faintly see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have been existing on dry cheerios and orange gatorade. yum. I am anxiously awaiting the day when food will have appeal again. I firmly believe that if men had to go thru this - all procreation would cease and the human race would die out. But as women we have this insane ability to promptly forget the numerous ills of pregnancy, the fatigue, the aches and pains, and don't even get me started on labor. We see that little face and we're ready to do it all again. Amazing or insane? A little of both I think.

This summer is gearing up to be a busy one - and I'm thoroughly looking forward to it. I have found since Mom's death that I look at things so much closer. Time is so precious because we don't know how long we've got. I want to appreciate the little things. And encourage you to do the same. Don't get so caught up in life that you forget to live it. It is so very easy to do and for all of my pregnancy complaints - I am enjoying this time in my life immensely! The only thing I would change would be to SLOW it down. Each day is such a blessing, even the hard ones. I love being a mother - each new phase of childhood that we grow through. Every time Ava comes out with something outrageous. Her latest, "Mom! That bee is minding MY business!" I love being a wife to my amazing husband.

The kids are in such a hurry to grow up - and I remember being there - now I just want to hold onto these times. My daughter is only going to be 3 once. My son, already turning into such a little man, will grow up all too quickly. Have I mentioned that pregnancy makes you introspective? haha.

Enjoy this time in your life - where you are, whatever you're doing. It goes by way to fast. That saying really is true - Dance like no one is watching. Laugh like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt. Let go of your past hurts, your regrets. The bad times pass although sometimes very slowly, the good times are gone before you know it. So hug more, love more and laugh more! Life is awesome!

New Year's Resolutions????

I resolve to MAKE a new year's resolution...and that's as far as I've gotten. Literally. Sad, but true. I resolve to blog more often....but that too remains to be seen. I resolved to start doing something, rather than nothing with my hair, SO I chopped it off. There's so many things I want to change, like drinking more coffee, sleeping more, and perhaps eating less. When I sat down to make a list of things I wanted to change, truth be told, there wasn't much I wanted to change. Spend more time with my husband, enjoy my children more, but happiness is not missing from my life. Now I realize that making resolutions for the new year isn't necessarily about being unhappy but alot of times when we desire change it often stems from things in our lives that we aren't happy with. And when I tried to list the things in my life that I wanted to change, I instead ended up with a long list of blessings. So perhaps the greatest resolution I can make - is to be more thankful. Because despite grey days, sick days, and bad hair days - life is pretty amazing.

Laughter is the best medicine!

This is just going to be a collection of random quotes from the kids that Adam and I have found funny! Hope it gives you all a good laugh!

Ava: "Addie! Stop singing that song! It makes me nervous. That waiting on a woman song. It makes me nervous!"

I was telling Ava that Mommy was getting a new car and I was excited. To which she responds,
"Well I'm not exciting!"
Adam: "But Ava, you'll have more room for your babies."
Ava: "I WILL??? Then I AM exciting!"

Ava: "I don't like that colored icecream Mommy - it makes me nervous!"

We were getting the kids dressed for bed the other night and Alex came in with just his pajama pants on and no shirt...
"Can I sleep like this Mommy? Like real mans do?" (priceless)

Ava was giving her doll a ride on her bike when she fell off...(the doll, not Ava)
"Oh Shirley Curly are you ok? I'm so sorry." "Come on Shirley Curly we'll ride some more."

Ava: "Hey Mommy I just killed a butterfly."

Ava: "MOMMY! Turn it back to the crocAdiles eating the zebras!!!" (my kids love Animal Planet)

Ava: "When I grow up I wanna be a dinosaur!"

Alex: "Can I have a banana Mommy? The little ones that are just my size."

Over dinner tonight there was a discussion about eating the skin of the baked potatoes we were having. Adam was telling Ava that potato skins were good for your eyes and Ava took him a little too literally...
Ava: "Daddy you can not put that on you. I'm serlous!"

Ava has just learned that she can put a name to her feelings...So we hear...."I'm mad at you because..." ALOT. She and Alex got into a discussion about her broken chair yesterday...
Ava: "Alex you broke my chair I am SO mad at you!"
Alex: "I did not break your chair."
Ava: "Yes you did."
Mommy: "Actually Ava you broke it."
Ava: "Oh. I did?" Alex and I both nod in agreement.
Ava: "Well, then, I'm just so mad at myself!"

Ava: "Hang on, I'll help you Avalanche Boy!"

I'm sure I'll have more to add but this is all for now! :)

Face time

Adam and I recently had an epiphany. Perhaps other married couples are quicker to come to this conclusion. But for Adam & I it's taken 3 months. Now mind you, the last three months have been full of change. Newly married, graduating college, moving out of state, starting a new job...And in all the cacophony of life, we managed to lose the most important thing. US! Everyday I would wait impatiently for Adam to get home, and then we would both end up frustrated because once he arrived it was play with the kids, get dinner ready , clean up the house, bathe kids, get them in bed, clean up the kitchen, collapse exhausted on the couch, watch TV then drag off to bed to do it all over again the next day. I couldn't figure out for the life of me why I was so frustrated with the way my days were going. And Adam was feeling it too. Then we finally realized what was missing. US. Our time together. Face time as we call it. We had resorted to watching TV together and calling it "our time" but we weren't really spending that time together. Sure we cuddled on the couch with each other, but that's not face time. And I was finding that more and more I was getting jealous of the kid's time with Adam, of the TV being on. I was jealous of the PlayStation!!! Because I felt like they were stealing MY time with Adam. As we talked about this I realized that he was just as frustrated as I was about the situation. So we came up with 'face time'. This is my time with Adam. This is Adam's time with me. No TV. No kids. Sometimes we take 15-30 minutes behind closed doors when he comes home from work. Sometimes that doesn't work. If that's the case, then after the kids go to bed, the TV goes off and we spend some time just talking. Catching up on each other's day. Bouncing ideas off each other and in general, just enjoying being in each other's company. My days are better now because I have my time with Adam. That time when I don't have to share him with anyone else. When I get to bask in his undivided attention. And I LOVE IT! It has brought us closer, it has eliminated that end of the day frustration and feeling of being let down. It has given me something that I look forward to all day because I can't wait for him to come home. Just knowing that he wants to have that time with me just as much as I want it with him makes me feel special and loved. And it's a wonderful feeling. Being a parent is a wonderful thing. It's also tiring and at times frustrating. I need my time with Adam to refocus, to hear his perspective on things, and to then be able to provide our children with a united front. We are a team, we are one. And when we're in sync with each other our days run smoother, our home is at peace, and I am at peace. Unity. It's a beautiful thing. If you don't have face time with your honey....get it. Make time for the two of you, you'll be glad you did. And I promise, you won't miss that TV/computer/book time you may have had before. Nothing is as great as being face to face with the one you love. Nothing!

Kisses & Kids